A Letter From Governor Rick Perry

Esteemed Governor Rick Perry

Esteemed Governor Rick Perry

I wrote a letter to Texas Governor Rick Perry asking him, simply, what made him feel like he (and the rest of his party) had jurisdiction over the female body. I was genuinely interested in hearing his response. Thankfully, he replied back almost immediately.

Here’s my response from Governor Rick Perry.


deer jena,

hai. I m guverner ricj perry n i want 2 thx u 4 writting 2 me about my resent legestlatrion about abroshion. 1st of all i m relly RELLY happy 2 see that u can writ. i think its grate that affermative axion has given u girls the “rite” 2 an educashun. its neat. it really is. in case u did not writ this, tell ur husband i apploud his pashience with u. it takes a strong americun man 2 allow his wif 2 adress anothr man, n u r AWSOM! 

jena, (jena’s husbend) u asked me y i felt lik i had “jurisdiction” (awfulley big word 4 u!) over ur body, and heres the thing. i dont know. i jest vagely remember someone at church tellin me that ur my property n that i kno what is best 4 u. 

being a women must be hard. i seen how hard my wif works to keep the house cleen and make sure we have food ready wen im done doin my man things. i kno she loves it but i still werry that it mite be all 2 much so i thout to myself, rack, wat can i do 2 make thins easer? thats wen I decisioned 2 make decisions 4 her. now she dosnt have 2 worry about thinkin 4 herself n stuff. i hope u enjoy this gift ive given u. 

anyway, if u culd just male me 1 of ur filopian tubes id be happy 2 look aftr it until ur husbend says its okay 2 use. 

ur loveing gorevnor, 

rock perri


Well, there you have it. Thanks for your time, Gov. Perry!

One Response to A Letter From Governor Rick Perry

  1. Elijah Chandler

    Seriously? I love you. Not in the gross, creepy way. In the “You’re fucking awesome” way.

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